Tweek Tweak and the Death Ticker
by SomeKindOfRomance
Summary: [SLASH TWEEKCRAIG, CARTMANTWEEK.. other pairings] Cartman has Tweek all paranoid about death. He's set out to ruin our little twitch. when things actually do go his way though, he finds out exactly how he feels about tweek. they are 17 years of age


**I'm sorry.. I just have so many ideas.. I have to get them out!**

**Prologue**

"GAH!" I looked over at Tweek, with an amused grin. He was flipping out because of _me_. "Cartman I can't deal with this man! The pressure! I don't wanna know. GAH! Why did you have to tell me? AHH!" Tweek started to twitch violently. All I could do was stifle my laughter.

"I thought you should know. You're my friend Tweek, even if you are fucked up."

"Th-thanks?" His head jerked in another set of tics. He looked down at his watch and then back up at me. "GAH! CARTMAN! I have 653,783,200 seconds left to live!"

This was way too funny. "Oh well Tweek, you better make the most of your time left here on earth." I gave him a soft pat on the shoulder and walked away. I closed my eyes and relished in the look of fear permanantly etched across the face of Tweek Tweak.

* * *

"Why the hell are you showing this to us Cartman?" 

I looked over to Kyle. Obviously the jew did not comprehend the whole importance of the situation.

"Yea this is pretty dumb dude."

I looked over at Stan angrily and pointed to the screen of the computer.

"What's so special about this bullshit?"

I rolled my eyes at their ignorance. "Well fags, it gives you the day of when you're gonna die. It even counts down the seconds for you and everything."

"It's just for entertainment purposes fatass."

"Exactly."

Both boys just looked at me apathetically. Kyle shook his head as he spoke. "What is going on in that fucked up mind of yours?"

I rubbed my hands together sadistically. "Tweek."

"Nah dude don't. You know how paranoid he is."

"Don't be such a hippie Stan," I sneered. "You guys just aren't on the same level as me."

"What level? Ignorant fatass?"

"AY!" Kyle and Stan started to chuckle. "Well screw you guys, I'm going home!" They started to laugh even louder. I _was_ home. "Well then get the fuck out of my house!" They both got up and left happily... "Fags."

I looked around at my now empty house and decided to set my plan in action. Tweek was already messed up. I wanted to see him hit rock bottom. I picked up the phone and dialed his number. Tweek picked up the phone almost immediately.

"Hello? Oh geez.. Who is it? I swear I know nothing! Gah!"

I rolled my eyes at Tweek's behavior. "Tweek, It's Eric."

"Oh God Eric, you scared me. You could've been some kind of eco-terrorist!"

Damn this kid was fucked up. "Tweek, it's just the phone. Nobody can harm you through the phone... unless they can shrink themselves and crawl through telephone wires."

"AHHhh Cartman! Do they do that?"

"Anything's possible Tweek." I could just picture him flipping out and twitching like a madman on the other line. "That's not why I called you though Tweek."

"Uh oh. What did I do? Oh god I hope it wasn't anything bad. I wouldn't be able to deal with the pressure! Oh man the pressure would be too much! Oh geez man I-"

"Tweek just get your ass over here."

"I don't wanna walk outside by myself. There could be-"

"Tweek, nothing is going to happen to you. I'm sure of it. In fact I bet you 10 bucks that-" That was good enough for him.

"Alright I'll be over. Wait for me at the door though... ahh! So you can open it when I get there."

"Naturally Tweek, naturally."

Tweek arrived at my house 15 minutes later with a can of mace in hand. I opened the door and looked at him in disbelief. "Why do you need that?"

"Protection why else!"

"Protection form what? Cows?"

"Yes! and gang members!"

I looked at him and rolled my eyes. "Follow me Tweek." He stayed close behind, practically stepping on my heels. I decided to give an intro to what was about to come. I cleared my throat before speaking. "Tweek, you are my friend and I really care about you. You know that right?" I looked over at him, he was shaking all over. He nodded his head vigorously. "Good, well I care about you so much that I'm willing to share with you something special." He cocked an eyebrow at me, still twitching. I brought the site up onto the screen. "This my friend, is death ticker."

"D-d-death ticker?"

"Yes, death ticker," I repeated. "It's actually a blessing."

"What does it do?"

"Well... let me show you." I let him sit down the chair and fill out his date of birth. When he got up the the question of body mass index he looked at me questioningly.

"You are probably at the highest," I lied. I was the one at the high end of the BMI calculator. He clicked the button that read BMI greater than 45. That was bound to take off a few seconds. Tweek looked back up at me innocently for the last question, which read "mode." I read through the options with him. "Well Tweek, you certainly aren't optimistic, normal or sadistic. You are quite the pessimist." It really wasn't a lie.

"Gah.. I knew that!"

I then took the mouse from him and clicked the icon that read "Get Your Time." I looked over at Tweek who was shaking like a leaf. "Thursday, November 12, 2026.."

"W-what's that?"

"You're personal time of death."

Tweeks face went white. "Ahhhhh!" He started to scream. For a second I felt bad, but then I realized how incredibly funny it was. He looked at the ticking clock at the screen. The seconds were lessening before his eyes. "Gah!"

"Well Tweek, Since you have such little time left, you had better get the things done that you need to do." I loved manipulation. Most of all, I loved to ruin lives.

"Ahh! What do you mean?"

"I know about Craig. It wouldn't feel very nice to die having something pent up inside you like that."

He started to shake more than ever now. "Craig.. is... ahhhh!"

I pinched myself to stop from laughing. Craig was straight and Tweek had a little gay crush on him. If things were gonna play the way I wanted them to, Tweek would be admitting his feelings to Craig in no time. I would love to see him get shot down by Craig. He would be heartbroken and paranoid for the rest of his life. He would be turning around every corner, looking for death. This was perhaps one of my sweetest plans ever. "What are you just standing here for? The seconds are going by Tweek. Tick tock tick tock."

He jumped in fear and started cringing. He looked on the verge of tears. "Ahh." I pushed him out the door and shut it in his face. My plan was in action.


End file.
